Third Time with Santa

The first year was a breeze. Josie was a couple months old and slept through the whole thing. Last year wasn't as good, Boompa dressed up as Santa and Josie wasn't a huge fan.

This year we showed up right as Santa was leaving for dinner. So we made a quick detour to Toys R Us and returned to a lengthy line. The next hour and a half went very well. We snacked on Chik-fil-A, gave Belle a bottle, and watched the kid in front of us hit the girl behind us. When we got to the front of the line, one of the elves performed some simple illusions and then it was our turn. Things started off good with a high five to the big guy. Then things went south when Josie realized she would have to sit with the big, bearded man. Even with Mama, Josie wasn't having it. Finally, after a surprise Elmo appearance, things calmed down. The people were nice enough to allow us to have both pictures.

Sprinkled in Presbyterianism

*The original title was "Immersed in Presbyterianism," but since Presbyterians don't immerse-they sprinkle, I decided to change it*

We have been in Charlotte for a couple months now and the transition has been much more difficult than we thought. It took us longer for Dolly to find work than we thought, we didn't end up at the church we initially thought we would, and our best friends are moving back to their hometown. However, in the midst of all of this transition, frustration, tears, and hardship we have experienced such an overwhelming amount of love and support from family, friends, and our church. So here is a little update à la Presbyterianism ;)

School

As all, well the two of you who read this blog, know I am attending Reformed Theological Seminary. Although RTS is a non-denominational seminary, it is dedicated to training current and future leaders (especially in its Presbyterian and Reformed branches) to be pastors, missionaries, educators, and Christian counselors. All of my professors are affiliated with a presbyterian denomination. The environment is thoroughly academic, practical, and pastoral. I definitely think this will help cultivate me to become a competent minister of the Gospel. Overall, school is going very well. Although demanding, it isn't detracting from my family and marriage but I am still maintaining very good grades. I usually do all my studying and reading in the living room/dining room (its the same room) to intentionally be interrupted by my cute, curly-haired girls, they are all so cute and I love being interrupted by them.

Church

In addition to learning about Presbyterianism, we just (yesterday) became members at Grace Community Church, a Presbyterian Church located in South Charlotte. It doesn't have the characteristics of most traditional Presbyterian Churches. It meets in a high school, has more "contemporary" worship (which we don't care too much for, we prefer the crusty 'ol hymns), has amazing preaching, and has more vitality than a some of the other Presbyterian churches we visited. We have meet so many great families who have invited us over for Sunday brunch, who have had playdates with our girls, and have made us feel at home and like family at the church. Although we miss our families so much, Grace has made the transition even easier. Now that we are members at Grace, we plan on getting our girls baptized soon (most of the church's we have been a part of have never practiced infant baptism, but Presbyterians do). In addition, one of the Pastor's owns a really nice town-home in Blakeney Greens, which we will be renting until I have completed my schooling. We look forward to living somewhere again where we can walk to get all of our errands done.

Work

Dolly got two part-time jobs. So she will be working three nights a week when she is completed with orientation (which is currently full-time, but thankfully we are able to work it around my school schedule, and some students at RTS have helped us out when it does conflict). One of the jobs is at Carolina's Medical Center, and the other is at Presbyterian. They are both at the Children's Hospitals (Levine's and Hemby), which is an answer to prayer since Dolly has such a passion for providing care to the young'ens. So I will watch the girls in the morning/early afternoon when Dolly is sleeping and have been watching them in the day while Dolly is at orientation. I have found that changing diapers is a great cure for pride and compliments a seminary education well. I just learned these great theological truths, but I need to work on our circle/square/star/color flashcards with an adorable toddler after I change some diapers.

Although moving out here to Charlotte is difficult and looks nothing like we thought (e.g. Bugs that could probably take Josie away in her sleep), it has been an amazing blessing. It has provided such an amazing opportunity for us to connect as a family and experience God's grace and love through His church. To truly learn what it means to trust Him.

Additionally, Fall (my favorite season) has been absolutely gorgeous here. The trees are blazing orange, yellow, and red, while the weather has been awesome (a balmy, 70 degrees).

Finally, we would ask for your continued prayers. This has been the most difficult thing we have done in our family. We are learning what it means to be dependent upon God, to love our family, and trust Him daily.

Happy 2nd Birthday Josie!

Josies Second Year from Greg and Dolly on Vimeo.

Our daughter, Josephine Leigh, turned 2 years old on October 4th! My how these couple of years flew by! Please help celebrate her second year by spending 12 minutes to watch yet another Joines' family montage. Hope you all enjoy watching her (and her hair) grow up right before your eyes!

(sorry about the audio skipping. We're using Windows Movie Maker this year...and let's just say it's not up to par with IMovie)

Update - We have uploaded the video via vimeo...so hopefully now you can all enjoy it!

Hello Charlotte

I (Dolly) have officially been in Charlotte, NC for a month now, so I thought I'd finally post an update on how our family is doing here in the South.

The city of Charlotte is beautiful! It's been hot/humid, but bearable. The only traffic I've seen is on Sunday morning when every church is packed (and literally, there is a church on every street block...and they are big churches!) People are really friendly every where we go, and they are all obsessed with babies! Maribelle is always the topic of every conversation I encounter with a stranger. I've got to be careful though because strangers think they are allowed to touch my baby at any chance they get...flu season is right around the corner! The street system is insane here; the same stretch of road changes names 4 times in about 5 miles! It really is bizarre! Also, Greg and I got our first taste of American history by attending a Revolutionary War renactment. It was as exciting as it sounds. Josie was less impressed, except for the farm animals that were present for the ambiance.

Maribelle is 2 1/2 months old now, and she is such a good baby! She has the biggest crooked smile that brings tears to my eyes. She is so kind...she let's me sleep through the night! Josie will be 2 years old on October 4th. She is a good talker, and she loves to play outside in the parking lot next to our townhome (don't worry, it's always empty and at the end of the apartment complex). She swam for the first time, but is still not that adventurous in the water. However, she does like to point out and kill the bugs that get into the house. The bugs are terribly gross here! We saw a 2-inch long roach crawl across our stove one night! (We are clean people, apparently these ones aren't associated with filth...but I'm still cleaning/vacuuming every night just in case they are searching for crumbs). As Greg says, "the only good bug, is a dead bug"(Starship Troopers seems to have become our living guide to killing bugs).

Greg has been attending Reformed Theological Seminary for the past 4 weeks, and he is really enjoying it so far. Hebrew is a pretty tough language to learn apparently, so he seems to always have his flash cards where ever we go! He is thankful to finally be at the place where God has been leading him these past few years! Greg knows the education will be a good preparation to plant/replant a church here in the South. The girls and I are adjusting to his new schedule, but our family has definitely changed its routines a bit to accommodate for his studying time.

I have been applying for jobs since early July and have found this process to be very frustrating! As a pediatric nurse at one of the best children's hospitals in the US, I thought getting a job would be easy...but apparently it's not. The process has been long and difficult. I hope to find out some news by the end of the week on a job I applied/interviewed for at the large children's hospital here in Charlotte. The issue of work has been a challenging one for us, as it is forcing us to put aside our pride and humbly bow before God in complete dependence. We know he will provide for our family, because he promises to do so in his Word, but it is a scary place to be since we are running out of the extra money we came with. Sometimes the reality of our problems are more real than He is...and this has been a hard lesson to learn as it forces me to see how I lack faith or fail to practice the faith I say I have. I say I trust Him and his promises, but do I really if I react in anxiety, fear, and worry?

We have not found a church home yet. We aren't much into church shopping, so we tried to decide on a church while we were in Seattle, but you can only do so much research online, and then you have to experience the church for yourself. We may have found one, but are still praying for guidance as we decide. It has been difficult to adjust without a close church community to support and encourage us. We have been praying that the Lord leads us to the right community for us to be a part of.

One of the most difficult parts about moving here to Charlotte has been the distance we are from our families in North Bend. We miss our parents terribly and wish they could see their grandchildren as frequently as they were able to when we lived in Seattle. I keep showing Josie pictures of her grandparents to keep them fresh in her mind. I miss meeting my mom for lunch during the week when we would discuss food over eating food : )

So to be completely honest...this move is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. My heart is heavy and burdened by many changes, and I feel that the Lord is ripping me out of the stagnant state I was in for so long. I have learned more about my heart, idols, and sin in the past few weeks than I have in the past two years. More importantly, I have learned more about Him as I am being stripped of all of the things I trust in (jobs, security, savings, quality time with my husband, etc.) The Lord is definitely refining our hearts, probably preparing us for a difficult couple of years as Greg finishes his Masters while I work full-time...all the while we remain full-time parents! We pray for help as we prioritize our lives...because our marriage and children are never to be placed after seminary or work. We continue to pray for his guidance as we live our lives in light of his Word.

Please pray for our family as we struggle to trust in him during this difficult time of transition. Furthermore, please pray that we continue to live in joy and rest in our relationship with God, eachother, our children, and our community. We miss you all very much and await the time to visit you all again next year.

Goodbye Seattle

I moved to Seattle 10 years ago, almost to the date. In 10 years I have experienced several dramatic life changes: I came to know my Lord and Savior, got married, graduated from college, started my first job as a pediatric nurse, and had two wonderful baby girls! It's been a crazy time with tons of life lessons, but it has truly been a blessed time.

So here's the story for all who don't know. In February 2007, Greg and I planned to move to Charlotte, North Carolina so that he could receive his masters from Reformed Theological Seminary. We found out we were pregnant with Josie, and after much time in prayer, decided it was the Lord's will to have us wait. Over the past two years we thought that Mars Hill was home, but over the past six months, he made it clear to us that we were to finally make our trek to Charlotte. He has also refined his calling in Greg, and now we know that Greg is to church plant in a city filled with the "churched-unsaved" (those with a knowledge of the Bible, but not of a saving faith in Christ and the Gospel). And so after months of preparation (and organizing closets!), we now have a Budget truck in our apartment parking lot, ready to be loaded in the morning by some helpful men from the church. Greg leaves on Thursday morning for a cross-country journey of a lifetime! I leave via plane on August 19th with my 4 week old daughter strapped to me and a lively toddler holding my hand (thankfully, Grandma will be sharing the journey to offer another pair of hands).

We feel excited, scared, energized, overwhelmed...and any other emotion you can tie to the situation. We are experiencing several marriage stressors all at the same time: moving across country, adjusting to a second child, starting graduate school, finding a new church home and community, possibly buying a home by the end of the year, and starting new jobs. We'll be able to check quite a few boxes on our taxes in April : )

The Lord has shown himself to be faithful through this all. He has taught me what it means to have complete confidence in his sovereignty. I have numerous examples, but not enough time to list them all. I'll have to talk about them in a later post that describes this crazy adventure!

One of the major lessons Greg and I have learned in recent weeks is that of the love that is manifested in the body of Christ. Mars Hill Church has been our church home for 5 years, and we have definitely had our ups and downs, as with any relationship. However, a new side of the church has been revealed to us. We have had complete strangers reach out to us asking if they could provide a meal or childcare to help us pack. We have had an entire community group bless us with a generous and astonishing financial gift. We have seen people sacrifice their time and money to bless our family and to affirm our calling to church plant in one of the most churched areas of our country to reach those who are unsaved. I can't fully explain how overwhelmed we are at the kindness that has been extended to our family. We are convicted over how we have missed opportunities to grow closer in relationship to those around us, I especially, have distanced myself by choosing not to take advantage of the opportunities of friendship that have been given to me. We also would not naturally reach out to strangers unless it was conveniently placed in front of us. As future church planters, these are crucial lessons the Lord needed to teach us, and he chose to do so through a cross-country move that placed our family in an overwhelming situation. We are truly thankful for his blessings upon our family, and how he revealed himself through his church on numerous occasions. I could write forever describing these recent experiences, and I know I am not truly giving justice to the way I feel right now. I hope to expound later, but for now we must go to bed to prepare for a long and exciting day ahead! Please continue to pray for our family as we venture out, that we would be looking to Christ for guidance, that we would let his glory be the motivating factor for all we do, and that we would take this experience and spread the Gospel through it. We love you all and will miss Seattle dearly. Thank you.

Belle's First Two Weeks

Our little Maribelle was born two weeks ago, so I thought I'd give everyone an update on how life has been for our family of four. After a busy few days of introducing her to family, we returned home to a busy week of packing for our cross-country move! However, we have received many blessings in the form of dinners, and I could not be more thankful for our church community! Complete strangers have emailed and called asking how they can be of service to our family! Mars Hill has some of the kindest women I have ever met! The grace and love of Christ is truly being revealed through this kindness and acts of service.

As far as parenting goes...Belle has been an "easy" baby so far, and Josie is adjusting well to having a little sister. I feel fully recovered from the pregnancy, even having a "post-nesting" period full of adrenaline as I pack and organize to move to North Carolina in 2 weeks. Belle is sleeping great and is requiring me to wake her up at night to feed! Right now she is sleeping four hour long stretches at night! Josie is sometimes too helpful (i.e. trying to give her sister juice through a sippy cup), but she giggles and squeals in response to Belle's hiccups and burps. She is a little weirded out at me breastfeeding, but it is getting better. She has a hard time understanding that I can't move around while I'm breastfeeding, but who knows maybe I can master that skill soon : ) Greg is beyond supportive during all of this change. He helps me with the girls in the morning in case I need to sleep in a little. He's also helping with cloth diaper changes! I couldn't be more thankful to my husband during this time. He understands his role of husband and loves me very well.

So above all, I'm thankful for the Lord who is continuing to teach me more about his love and grace and how he proves time and time again that he is ever sufficient and providential. Having a newborn and making the biggest move of my life all at the same time may seem overwhelming (and it is!), but he has made everything work out well. I'm learning how to have faith in a stressful time, and I've also discovered I have made an idol of the future by worrying about everything. Oh how he teaches me more and more about my heart through every daily experience. I'll keep everyone updated as the move gets closer. For now, please enjoy some pictures of our Belle!

IT'S A GIRL!

Maribelle Mae Joines was born this evening, July 16, 2009 (on her due date)! She weighed 7lbs 11 oz, 19.5 inches long. After 4 hours of labor, we met our little girl at 8:14 pm. The delivery and labor went well. The Lord blessed us with a short, natural, and injure-free birth! "Belle" has already met her grandparents, aunts, and her big sister! Josie was so sweet to her, she even said "Hi Belle" when we introduced them! I'll update soon, but for now...we're all going to rest awhile after a busy, but blessed day. Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers!

Hospitality (Meals)

hos·pi·tal·i·ty (häs-pə-ˈta-lə-tē)
1 a: given to generous and cordial reception of guests b: promising or suggesting generous and cordial welcome c: offering a pleasant or sustaining environment

I have recently been challenged to think through what hospitality is, how it should look, how it breeds community, and the purpose behind it. One of the best things I have read on it is a post by Jeff Vanderstelt. This will probably be a various part blog series.

Meals are one of the main components of gospel hospitality, providing the opportunity to engage, edify, encourage, and enjoy those around you (alliteration is unintentional though appreciated). It is interesting that one aspect of Jesus' ministry was eating with people. Ministry can be as simple as a meal. Commentator Mark Horne says,

...Jesus was simply doing his ministry, by eating and drinking with sinners, what he had been doing as the Angel of the Lord since the beginning. Why did Yahweh ("the Lord") rescue Isrealites from Egypt? What did Moses tell Pharoah? "Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘Let my people go, that they may hold a feast to me in the wilderness." (Ex. 5.1) God wanted table fellowshp with Isreal.(60)

Jesus' meals communicate the gospel; it was where sinners, the tax collectors, the religious, the moral, and the immoral could all enjoy Jesus, and where he enjoyed them. Mark Horne observes that, "[Jesus] enjoyed his food and his wine (cf. Lk 7.34), but he enjoyed most of all the company of other people around the dinner table" (58).When I look at the importance of meals throughout Scripture, I realize the redemptive import of them. The first sin occurred over a meal, the Exodus is over a meal, the passover is remembered as a meal, the manna in the wilderness, Jesus' ministry of meals, Peter eating with Cornelius, Paul rebuking Peter for withdrawing table fellowship with Gentiles, etc.

Although it is easy to get sucked into a Martha attitude with regard to meal planning, preparation, and decor, we must never let the food of the meal obscure the gospel the meal is meant to communicate. The food is only to help communicate it. If there is strife in the meal or the hospitality, it also can communicate a false picture of the gospel. This is why Proverbs states;

Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. (Prov 17.1)

Although it isn't always reasonable to feast as much as we would like with others, there is still the opportunity to provide gospel hospitality with meals. This means that real gospel hospitality can occur over Ritz crackers in a dorm room, over cedar-planked salmon in a dinning room, or over Puerco Pibil anytime and anywhere. These are just some of my initial thoughts, and will clean this up and post some more, especially on what the Lord's Supper means in light of this (d.v.), but here are some other links that can help you in coordinating gospel hospitality meals...

How to Organize and Host a Frugal Block Party

On Hosting a Dinner Party

Ten Tips For A Cheap And Memorable Super Bowl Party

Waiting Impatiently

"Obstetrics"
by Suzanne Clark

Tomorrow they will tell me what I know.
After tools and taps they will talk in facts
of mystery, of the flame in so dark
a place you want to look and see God
shaping the hands and face.
They will call it by other names
but I will be hearing
blood and bones sliding in place
to music steep as stars.

I am in a dream
while the doctor feels clay
and schedules birth on a chart unreal.
As the earthen womb sings,
making its pearl,
I allow everything:
quake of birth that will leave the poem
of dust in my mouth."

The Lord has blessed us with a second child, who remains an active, feisty little thing within my belly. We have 7 weeks to go, but are thinking it might decide to see the world a little sooner. I am grateful that this pregnancy has been uncomplicated compared to my first pregnancy with Josie. Last weekend Greg and I went into the hospital for some progressing, early contractions. Besides being placed on "modified" bedrest for a week, this pregnancy is healthy and well.

I've been using the time to read and rest, since I've been unable to work. I just finished reading "Sketches of Home" by Suzanne Clark. It is a collection of poetic essays that she has written over the course of many years. I highly recommend it! Besides her poem I added above, I thought I'd share one section pertinent to my present situation.

"Weeks and months pass. The queen turns into an elephant. There are new mysteries. How to eat crackers in church without anyone noticing because the "baby" has to eat. How to get past people in a crowd without knocking them over with your belly. How to fall asleep on your back when you are a stomach person. How to put out heartburn. How to keep from crying when your husband blinks the wrong way.
I lie in bed on my back for hours studying my bald mountain of a stomach. Who are you? Under that tight skin lives an impossible child whose legs and arms both flutter and punch, whose ears absorb every word I speak, and whose heart, I am sure, senses my two-edged love, fierce and tender."

- Suzanne Clark

I smiled while reading this as I seem to be living it every moment right now. I tried to slip past Greg in the kitchen and just about toppled over after I lost my balance when my belly hit the counter. I guess I underestimated the size of a watermelon. I should also mention that Greg got pushed into the hot stove, but the fact I almost fell over is more important : ) Also I'm a stomach sleeper, so nights have been a hopeless quest for the "right" position, not to mention the heartburn attacks during the night too often these days. I hope this brings smiles to many of you as you think about your own pregnancies or future ones. It is a blessed time despite feeling that I have no control over my body (or emotions).

I can't wait to introduce you all to our little baby boy or girl! For now this ultrasound picture will have to do. Please continue to pray for our child to stay in place at least a few more weeks! We'll keep everyone updated!


This picture was taken 3 months ago by the way! They said you can't tell the gender from this picture, so if you look hard enough and think you know what it is...don't tell us!

An adventure of epic proportions: cloth diapers

www.sweetdollbaby.com

Over the past few months I have been studying Proverbs and how the book as a whole relates to the Proverbs 31 woman. I'll blog later on some interesting parallels I've found throughout the book, but for now I'm heading in a different direction. Now that my women's group is studying the 31st chapter, I've really been thinking about the theological and practical applications that relate to me as a mother and wife. Practically, I've started to wake up earlier than Josie, so as to not create so much stress in the morning, and I've been rethinking my method of meal planning (which I haven't had much success at since I started 6 months ago). My intentions are to create a more peaceful and efficient home by being wise in how I use my time and resources. I keep praying for wisdom in knowing how to go about these changes without overwhelming myself. So, needless to say, that's how I started my commitment to switching over to cloth diapers. The thought has been in my mind for several months, but the desire to change the method of cleaning up after my toddler became stronger over the past 4 weeks. So here's my story:

Initial thoughts: I love disposables! They're convenient, quick, and simple. A little expensive though, since cheap diapers (i.e. walmart and target brand) made Josie break out in allergic reaction. Costco has been wonderful in helping us cut costs. I'm not a "green" person, per se, so the environmental debate isn't a big factor for me (Although I must admit, this week I've realized just how much Josie adds to the landfills). But with our family adding a new addition and needing to trim monthly budget for our move (and future costs of seminary), my price comparison chart indicated cloth diapers were more cost efficient....so we switched.

Preparation: 15-20 hours of research. Cloth diapers are complicated! There are several different types of cloth diapering "systems", all with different pros and cons! (examples: All-in-ones, pocket diapers, prefolds with cover, flat diapers with covers...I'm sure there's more). What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another! And some people use combinations of the different systems! In addition, you can only use specific detergents, so as to not leave residue that repels liquid. I also found that initial costs of getting the cloth diapers are expensive! Some diapers are close to $20 a piece! So I bid (for the first time!) on ebay and got some sweetdollbaby one-size, pocket diapers for $160 (about $7 a piece). That was after another price comparison chart I created and reading extensive reviews (about 80% were positive...and the negatives seemed fixable from what I could tell). So after waiting impatiently for them to arrive, I took 1/2 out of the box and washed them a few times excitedly...carefully line drying them in front of a heater.

Jumping in: I couldn't figure out how to make all the snaps adjust to Josie's size! She's so tall and skinny! Finally, I decided on a trial and error approach. Starting with a large size and 2 inserts, we went out and ran errands. 5 hours later....no leaks! Yay! That night we tried again....crazy leakage the next morning plus a heavy smell of urine on my poor girl's skin = bath. Over the past week we've gone through size adjustments and insert adjustments (1-3 at a time), but we have still had quite a few leaks. When I say leak...I really mean leak (i.e needing a bath). Night times have been horrendous, but I finally made one diaper last 15 hours overnight for my heavy sleeper and wetter. Here's a picture:

And a close up:
Greg and I were laughing hysterically at the sight...we started to crave Burger King after thinking about the spongebob squarepants commercial. I did adjust the diaper slightly, but we made it through the night with no leaks : )

But after yesterday with 3 leaks...I gave up and put her in a disposable. I was so upset! I wanted to cry! I don't give up easily by the way, once I put my mind to something I have to stick it out...which reveals a lot about my sinful heart. I become a fierce competitor with whatever it is that is not working out....in this situation, I was mad at the diapers, literally. I was sitting on the couch holding one with anger building up inside (I almost threw it)! I prayed about my heart, asking for wisdom in this situation and for forgiveness in becoming so overwhelmed and angry about my diapering experience and for my frustrations with Josie in the process of giving bathes.

Today I had a revelation...what if I'm not changing the diaper enough? Disposables can make parents a little lazy; I feel like I've won something when I only have to do 3-4 diaper changes in 24 hours! Josie's only had 2 mild diaper rashes her whole life...so I must be doing things right. I really do believe that diapers need to be changed more frequently than that, since I don't like it when kids at the hospital are left in wet diapers for hours on end. Well here's what I found this morning while researching. Cloth diapers should be changed every 2-3 hours, 4 hours max for outings. Disposables gave me luxury because they are so absorbent! But cloth isn't as absorbent as those little artificial, super beads in the disposable diaper! So I'm jumping in again...knowing that I will be devoting time by having to change more diapers (which really only take 2 minutes, so it can't really be that much of an inconvenience).

So, it's really a funny thing. My adventure in cloth diapers exposed some sin in my heart! How foolish I am to become so overwhelmed with a task that I become angry with myself, my child, and a diaper! I do this all the time! With dinners, getting out the door to run errands, even having to fill up on gas when I didn't think I would need to! I seem to be viewing my time and efforts as the most precious thing in my life! That's why interruptions from Josie or changes in Greg's plan to come home for dinner all have such an impact on me! I love how every little thing in life can be a learning experience...this has really been a test of character, even though it is so mundane! It's funny how the Lord can use such a little thing in my life to reveal a deeper aspect of my character. I continue to pray for wisdom and humility in helping our family use our time, resources, and finances efficiently. I pray against pride if I feel success in my efforts. Like always, may the Lord be glorified in everything, even in how I choose to diaper my children.

Lessons I'm learning as a mother

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who have been blessed with motherhood!

These past 18 months have been an incredible learning experience for me. Josie was born on Oct 4, 2007 and though I know children well, I did not know how to parent. By God's grace alone, I have learned how to love as a mother...but trust me, I am not done learning. He has humbled me into the realization that my qualifications as a mother are only that I am a woman with a child. The character of a mother is much deeper and is a gift from the Lord. Much of what I am learning about being a mother stems from the realization that I have a perfect Father. I thought I understood what it means to be a "child of God". It seems so simple (and a little trite) to say that "God is our Father", but the meaning can be lost in the over-used phrase to the point that God becomes our image of a father, not the nature of who he really is.

Being a parent has helped me reflect on how perfect a father our Lord really is. His nature is highlighted and glorified in the way I both make mistakes and act well as a parent.So here are some lessons he's been teaching me along the way:


1) Be slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 86 beautifully describes the nature of our Father in heaven, "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." I am quick to become angry with my toddler for her tantrums and disobedience. These events do require correction, but my sinful attitudes of anger, annoyance, and impatience tarnish the God-given responsibility I have to raise my children with loving discipline and correction. I tearfully regret saying that I even become angry when I am inconvenienced at interruptions in my daily routine. It is hard to admit this sin so publicly, as I did not want to become "that" angry parent, but I am. I regretfully reflect after disciplining Josie that I am quick to anger, thus tainting my opportunity to correct her in love. Our Lord responds justly to our rebellion, but demonstrates love in his correction. He is patient with us as we go through a continual, tedious sanctification process. As we continue to sin and rebel, he calls us to repentance, and lovingly embraces us when we return to him. Although hurt at our choices to disobey, he perfectly responds in love. My own sinful response to Josie's disobedience helps to humble me into repentance and growth, and helps me to look at my perfect Father's character and response to me when I continue to sin against him and others.

2) Listen...carefully, before speaking. James gives some practical, proverbial advice in his epistle regarding speech, and though I don't want to throw out an overused verse, here it is. James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak..." I think back on this teaching as it was explained in nursing school as "active listening", but I seem to only apply it to my patients and their families at the hospital. The Lord listens to our every prayer, but he is discerning to know what our heart is truly saying (even when our words don't match it). He is actively listening at any moment, without hesitation. A perfect parent with ears available to listen attentively at anytime. Again I reflect on his perfect nature as a parent when I see that I do not fully know how to listen (sometimes I think I don't want to learn how to listen).

I have caused much aggravation to my dear sweet child by assuming what it is she is trying to say. How frustrating it must be for her to know so many words, but not know how to say them! This evening she kept saying the same word over and over ("bodo"), and I would immediately presume to know what she was saying (baby, bubble, book?). She became so frustrated with me that she collapsed on the floor in tears! Finally I asked her, "Josie do you want a bottle?" and she looked up nodding with tear-filled eyes saying "yoh, yoh, yoh" (her version of yes). She was only asking to go to bed, but I wasn't even trying to listen to her, because I wasn't ready to put her to bed! How often I must do this with my friends and family as well. Hearing only the words I want to hear, not listening to what it is I am really being told. What's worse is that I ignore God in the same way...choosing to listen to only part of what it is he is teaching me. So much of our conversations can be more fully understood if we took the time to pay attention to the words, emotions, and nonverbal language that is all being communicated at the same time. I would have known that Josie was already preparing for bed before she came to me asking for a bottle.

On to a lighter note:

3) Balloons and bubbles are fascinating things. Josie informs me of this every time we enter the grocery store or during evening bathes. Her innocent excitement is apparent to everyone in the aisle when she points and says "bawoos" (it gets even more exciting when we checkout and there are a lot of bawoos!) She even gets worked up when she sees a balloon on her winnie-the-pooh movie!

4) Sing often. I love to sing, but not until recently did I find that Josie sings when I sing. I used to just sing to her right before naps and bedtime, but now realize that song should be gracing our time together throughout the day. She does not sing alone yet, but I am honored that I can teach her the joy of music by singing often around her. I can't wait for her to sing the same hymns I cherish so much. I believe the Lord would be pleased if I graced our home with song as well, since worshiping with song does not have to be just a sunday church event. I hope Josie will learn to sing freely to the Lord without hesitation. My hope is for worshipful song to be integrated into every day activities, and for her to bring cheer to those around her by worshiping our Lord often with song.

So it's been a long road so far with a huge learning curve. I feel honored and blessed to have this opportunity to love my daughter, our future child(ren), and my husband. I continue to pray for guidance and for the Lord to show me how to love well. I pray for humility in knowing my own Father better: that I would be open to understanding who he really is and how he reveals his nature to us in Scripture and in our life. May the glory always be to him.

I can identify with Obama on this one...

For the two of you who read this, you probably know I (Greg) am a lefty and do the jacked-up bent wrist thing that Obama does to keep from smearing my hand in the ink. It doesn't matter much with ball-point pens, but if you use a Uniball .5mm Rollerball Pen like I do (my pen of choice), then you protect it from smearing the ink. I'm glad I won't have to lobby this one with the president.

HT: My blog

A New Year

A new year has started.

I have mixed feelings about 2009 as I try to gain a sense of what to expect. Feelings of joy and blessing, fears over change and the unknown, interest in the lessons waiting to be learned, and hope for continual guidance from the Lord.

I wish I could view the new year as a clean slate, but I've always struggled with that type of optimisim. The slate isn't clean, per se; I'm the same person I was on Dec 31st, with the same struggles, the same heart, the same prayers. Not that I don't wish to change, I just know the process continues with where the year left off. What is positive about the new year for me is the refreshing outlook of all that has changed and all that will change in a year. Usually the unknown is a trigger for anxiety and fear for me; I always want to play God and know what my future entails. Right now, however, I am excited and a little at peace as I ponder a new road. The best way to describe it is like I'm standing in still waters on the edge of a river. I feel rather calm and at peace presently, but I can see up ahead some fast water (possibly scary and a little rough, but not dangerous).

So I should report the changes that I do know of.

Greg and I are happy to announce that we have heard and seen the healthy baby growing within me. At 13 weeks I am feeling physically refreshed after weeks of difficult morning sickness. I also feel mentally and spritually refreshed as I know the pregnancy is progressing. Our baby is expected sometime around the due date of July 21, 2009. Along with a new baby comes adjustment. I know our family dynamics and relationships, my daily routine, and my ability to work will all change. More importantly, I expect my heart will be transformed as well. It's exciting, but also very humbling, to think of all that the Lord can teach me (He knows I need to learn a lot!) through another year of life.

So as the new year starts, I pray for wisdom and guidance in how I perceive the future. I pray for a clear view of my heart and sins as I encounter these changes. I know the Lord has bigger plans than anything I could ever plan, and for that I am thankful. May I seek to glorify him in everything.