Lessons I'm learning as a mother

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who have been blessed with motherhood!

These past 18 months have been an incredible learning experience for me. Josie was born on Oct 4, 2007 and though I know children well, I did not know how to parent. By God's grace alone, I have learned how to love as a mother...but trust me, I am not done learning. He has humbled me into the realization that my qualifications as a mother are only that I am a woman with a child. The character of a mother is much deeper and is a gift from the Lord. Much of what I am learning about being a mother stems from the realization that I have a perfect Father. I thought I understood what it means to be a "child of God". It seems so simple (and a little trite) to say that "God is our Father", but the meaning can be lost in the over-used phrase to the point that God becomes our image of a father, not the nature of who he really is.

Being a parent has helped me reflect on how perfect a father our Lord really is. His nature is highlighted and glorified in the way I both make mistakes and act well as a parent.So here are some lessons he's been teaching me along the way:


1) Be slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 86 beautifully describes the nature of our Father in heaven, "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." I am quick to become angry with my toddler for her tantrums and disobedience. These events do require correction, but my sinful attitudes of anger, annoyance, and impatience tarnish the God-given responsibility I have to raise my children with loving discipline and correction. I tearfully regret saying that I even become angry when I am inconvenienced at interruptions in my daily routine. It is hard to admit this sin so publicly, as I did not want to become "that" angry parent, but I am. I regretfully reflect after disciplining Josie that I am quick to anger, thus tainting my opportunity to correct her in love. Our Lord responds justly to our rebellion, but demonstrates love in his correction. He is patient with us as we go through a continual, tedious sanctification process. As we continue to sin and rebel, he calls us to repentance, and lovingly embraces us when we return to him. Although hurt at our choices to disobey, he perfectly responds in love. My own sinful response to Josie's disobedience helps to humble me into repentance and growth, and helps me to look at my perfect Father's character and response to me when I continue to sin against him and others.

2) Listen...carefully, before speaking. James gives some practical, proverbial advice in his epistle regarding speech, and though I don't want to throw out an overused verse, here it is. James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak..." I think back on this teaching as it was explained in nursing school as "active listening", but I seem to only apply it to my patients and their families at the hospital. The Lord listens to our every prayer, but he is discerning to know what our heart is truly saying (even when our words don't match it). He is actively listening at any moment, without hesitation. A perfect parent with ears available to listen attentively at anytime. Again I reflect on his perfect nature as a parent when I see that I do not fully know how to listen (sometimes I think I don't want to learn how to listen).

I have caused much aggravation to my dear sweet child by assuming what it is she is trying to say. How frustrating it must be for her to know so many words, but not know how to say them! This evening she kept saying the same word over and over ("bodo"), and I would immediately presume to know what she was saying (baby, bubble, book?). She became so frustrated with me that she collapsed on the floor in tears! Finally I asked her, "Josie do you want a bottle?" and she looked up nodding with tear-filled eyes saying "yoh, yoh, yoh" (her version of yes). She was only asking to go to bed, but I wasn't even trying to listen to her, because I wasn't ready to put her to bed! How often I must do this with my friends and family as well. Hearing only the words I want to hear, not listening to what it is I am really being told. What's worse is that I ignore God in the same way...choosing to listen to only part of what it is he is teaching me. So much of our conversations can be more fully understood if we took the time to pay attention to the words, emotions, and nonverbal language that is all being communicated at the same time. I would have known that Josie was already preparing for bed before she came to me asking for a bottle.

On to a lighter note:

3) Balloons and bubbles are fascinating things. Josie informs me of this every time we enter the grocery store or during evening bathes. Her innocent excitement is apparent to everyone in the aisle when she points and says "bawoos" (it gets even more exciting when we checkout and there are a lot of bawoos!) She even gets worked up when she sees a balloon on her winnie-the-pooh movie!

4) Sing often. I love to sing, but not until recently did I find that Josie sings when I sing. I used to just sing to her right before naps and bedtime, but now realize that song should be gracing our time together throughout the day. She does not sing alone yet, but I am honored that I can teach her the joy of music by singing often around her. I can't wait for her to sing the same hymns I cherish so much. I believe the Lord would be pleased if I graced our home with song as well, since worshiping with song does not have to be just a sunday church event. I hope Josie will learn to sing freely to the Lord without hesitation. My hope is for worshipful song to be integrated into every day activities, and for her to bring cheer to those around her by worshiping our Lord often with song.

So it's been a long road so far with a huge learning curve. I feel honored and blessed to have this opportunity to love my daughter, our future child(ren), and my husband. I continue to pray for guidance and for the Lord to show me how to love well. I pray for humility in knowing my own Father better: that I would be open to understanding who he really is and how he reveals his nature to us in Scripture and in our life. May the glory always be to him.