A New Year

A new year has started.

I have mixed feelings about 2009 as I try to gain a sense of what to expect. Feelings of joy and blessing, fears over change and the unknown, interest in the lessons waiting to be learned, and hope for continual guidance from the Lord.

I wish I could view the new year as a clean slate, but I've always struggled with that type of optimisim. The slate isn't clean, per se; I'm the same person I was on Dec 31st, with the same struggles, the same heart, the same prayers. Not that I don't wish to change, I just know the process continues with where the year left off. What is positive about the new year for me is the refreshing outlook of all that has changed and all that will change in a year. Usually the unknown is a trigger for anxiety and fear for me; I always want to play God and know what my future entails. Right now, however, I am excited and a little at peace as I ponder a new road. The best way to describe it is like I'm standing in still waters on the edge of a river. I feel rather calm and at peace presently, but I can see up ahead some fast water (possibly scary and a little rough, but not dangerous).

So I should report the changes that I do know of.

Greg and I are happy to announce that we have heard and seen the healthy baby growing within me. At 13 weeks I am feeling physically refreshed after weeks of difficult morning sickness. I also feel mentally and spritually refreshed as I know the pregnancy is progressing. Our baby is expected sometime around the due date of July 21, 2009. Along with a new baby comes adjustment. I know our family dynamics and relationships, my daily routine, and my ability to work will all change. More importantly, I expect my heart will be transformed as well. It's exciting, but also very humbling, to think of all that the Lord can teach me (He knows I need to learn a lot!) through another year of life.

So as the new year starts, I pray for wisdom and guidance in how I perceive the future. I pray for a clear view of my heart and sins as I encounter these changes. I know the Lord has bigger plans than anything I could ever plan, and for that I am thankful. May I seek to glorify him in everything.