Little Words of Wisdom

I recently confessed to Greg that I was struggling with bitterness, specifically referring to how I hold on to the wrongs done to me in the past. I wasn't thrilled when his encouragement was "we don't have permission to hold on to them". I honestly thought that was a lame and trite thing to say at the moment. But I've been struck by it the last few days as God has graciously allowed the piece of wisdom to sink in on a deeper level.

We don't have permission to hold on to bitterness. Am I assuming that God has granted me permission to hold on to it? Maybe I am. Maybe I confess this sin with an attitude that I am "gifting" God with something that is mine to begin with. God never granted me permission to hold on to it, so why do I feel that I can own these feelings? Or worse...that I feel I have a right to own them, a right to allowing bitterness to stain my heart, and consequently, my actions. Maybe I fail to realize that I don't have a choice to own them or not.

It has been easier to whole-heartily confess and be free from the tangled mess of bitterness when I admit that I do not have a right to own it. It is not a confession I gift to the Lord, it is something he already suffered and paid for, it is something that belongs to him. I cannot wallow in bitterness at the sins committed against me. He paid for those one's too, so I cannot act like those sins only affect me and grant me a right to own my response to them. It's easy now to see where pride (again) is the root of my sin. It all goes back to breaking the first commandment I guess: I found an idol (myself) to place before God.

So when the feeling of bitterness arises at the mention of a name or place, I have been telling myself that it is not mine to keep, for God never granted me permission to linger on a sinful response. Greg always does have the perfect way to encourage me, even when I'm too stubborn at the time to allow the Lord to speak through him. Thank God for his and my husband's patience! :)